Trial of the Palate

(Including the 39 Candles)

by Jim Vibber and Kelson Vibber

To the tune of “Trial Before Pilate” from Jesus Christ Superstar
Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber, original lyrics by Tim Rice

P: Your chocolate cake is really quite a mess
And why is this? Did someone eat the rest?
C: We come to Rome to get some chocolate cake
Is there some left, or have we come too late?
We need another slice, it’s all you have to do
We need another slice, it’s all you have to do
P: Do you want chocolate cake?
Let’s see your plate here — Candles! That’s all
And plastic forks — Do you have the first idea why
You’d deserve it?
Listen up, hungry friend
Do you see cake here?
Look at me — am I a baker?
J: There is no more chocolate on my plate
I’m through, through, through
Mob: No more chocolate for him!
J: There must be some chocolate somewhere
If I only knew
P: You ate it all?
J: It’s you that say I did!
I had a slice, but gave it to some kid!
P: You gave it up? Do you think that was wise?
What made you think you’d get another slice!
Mob: No more chocolate!
P: What do you mean? You’d keep it for yourselves?
Mob: We like to eat the chocolate!
P: But there’s a lot! All sitting on the shelves!
Mob: We’ll not let him eat it! No more chocolate!
P: I see no reason — I find no evil
This man is hungry, so why does he upset you?
He’s just misguided — he wants some chocolate
But to keep you happy I will light his candles!
Mob: Light the candles!
Voice: One... two... three... (etc. until) ... thirty-nine.
P: You want some more chocolate
Why should you get chocolate? Tell me!
You’ve got to be careful, you could go home hungry
— could well be
Why do you not speak when I hold your cake in my hands?
How can you stay quiet? I don’t believe you understand!
J: You have nothing in your hands.
Everything you held melted and ran down your arm
Everything’s a mess and you can’t change it!
P: Chocolate cake by the slice! How can I help you?
Mob: No more chocolate!
Remember Nestle! You have a duty
To keep the piece, so no more chocolate!
Remember Hershey’s! And Ghirardelli’s!
No more chocolate!
P: Don’t let me stop your great self-starvation
Starve if you want to — I’m not going to force it!
I wash my hands of your birthday party
Starve if you want to — and I’ll keep the chocolate!

July 1996