K-Squared Ramblings

Quotes from sleeping people

I found this node on everything2.

Yeah, we’ve got a few of those.

Harry Potter computer viruses

Inspired by finding a list of Babylon 5 viruses earlier this week.

Harry Potter virus: Looks like the last file of a virus you just wiped out, until you try to erase it–then it wipes your drive.

Voldemort virus: You can’t get rid of it, only make it dormant. It can be reactivated by the Wormtail virus up to thirteen years later.

Dumbledore virus: Scares off all the other viruses but never seems to actually *do* anything.

Hermione virus: Fills up all available drive space with files of useless information.

Ron virus: Contains code, some of it buggy, from the author’s five previous viruses.

Read the rest of this entry »

Flashback Blog: Sanding doors

So my computer dumped my “Recent Items” list again and I had to go digging through my WP files to find the writing bits I was looking for. And I found some stuff that would have made great blog material if I’d had one at the time I wrote it. This one is from the summer I spent painting residence houses at UCI. I’d just been introduced to the wonderful world of sanding down semi-gloss paint to make sure the new coat would stick, and I was high on Babylon 5. So I started thinking, “What would the B5 characters say or do if someone asked them to sand doors?”

Ivanova: Doors? You want me to sand doors? This is a joke, right? John, this isn’t funny.

Garibaldi: Let me get this straight. You want me to sand doors…….do you have any idea how busy I am? Tell you what, you get someone–Zack! Will you go sand some doors for me?–and you just tell them I did it. Would that make you happy?

Lennier: (bows and leaves)

Kosh: (music) No… (more music)

Corwin: Nobody ever tells me anything around here, and now they want me to sand doors. I’m not sure, but I think I may have been demoted.

Zathras: Great door. Terrible door. But great hope for smooth finish. Zathras used to sanding doors. Doors understand Zathras. Doors always in the way. Much being pushed out of way. Just like Zathras. (this one is Kelson’s)

Morden: You say you want me to sand doors, but I believe I can do more for you than that. Let me speak to my associates and I’ll be right with you.

Lyta: The other Kosh never made me sand doors!

Londo: Yes. You want me to sand doors. But in the grand old days of the Centauri Republic, thousands of servants would have sanded thousands of doors at our slightest whim!

Vir: Londo….I don’t like this. I mean, I mean–bad enough you have me dealing with the Shadows…..and Mr. Morden, and keeping all your secrets……I just can’t take this any more, I–All right. I’ll sand the doors. But this is the last time, Londo.

Marcus: All right then, I’ll just go and…sand doors, yes….and then that’ll be the high point of my day. See you.

Further suggestions are welcome.

Sobig PITA

The world of email viruses has changed. In the old days, they would piggyback on the messages you sent, or make your regular mail program send them out while you weren’t looking. These days they send the messages themselves, so they pick a fake return address from the same source as its list of victims: address books, web caches, and so on.

The return address on a virus like Sobig doesn’t mean crap.

So why the heck are all these idiotic virus scanners sending me messages saying “You sent us a virus!” when a cursory glance at the headers clearly shows that it originated on the other side of the planet?

I’ve already got the server filtering out the virus itself - I’m seriously thinking about filtering out the useless warnings.

So what does it mean…

… when a massive power outage causes more looting in Ottawa than in New York?

Fuzzy logic?

I finally saw Terminator 3 this weekend, and something has been bothering me about the ending (aside from watching the end of the world).

Skynet’s a distributed system. Presumably its intelligence scales along with the number of nodes it has. Those nodes are computers all over the world. Those computers are most concentrated in major cities. Skynet launches a global nuclear attack on those major cities. That wipes out a huge percentage of its own computing nodes. It’s also going to take out huge chunks of the Internet’s infrastructure, leaving many of the remaining nodes disconnected from each other.

In its attempt to wipe out humans, Skynet gave itself a world-class lobotomy.

I don’t know about you, but that just doesn’t sound like a winning strategy to me.

Of course they’re ready!

Who needs pesky things like walls, anyway? This is California! We don’t have weather! And the scaffolding just makes it easier to get in and out of the place!

(Of course, once the new tenants realize they’re next to a swamp - OK, a marsh - maybe they’ll want those walls!)

(Edited August 12: replaced image with a better photo.)

Let’s play Count the Candidates

….because right now, they’re more fun than handmaidens. This took place in the car on the way home today.

Kelson: “I’ve heard 193, 195, and 196. Where’d those numbers come from?”
Katie: “Two minutes, five minutes, and ten minutes later.”
Kelson: “I mean, the deadline was Saturday!”
Katie: “‘Uh-oh, it was stuck to somebody else’s. ….It was stapled to the chicken.’”
Kelson: (smirking) “Peer pressure.”
Katie: “So we have one stapled to the chicken, one peer pressure, and two stuck to other people’s. So who turned in the chicken?”
Kelson: (laughter)
Katie: “I know, it was filling out the forms as it went.”
Kelson: “No wonder they’re so hard to read!”

…..kind of like my notes on this conversation…..

May contain articficial coloring

From a can of cherry pie filling:

Oh, what a circus!

193 people have filed candidacy papers for the upcoming recall election. Just think about it: if every application is verified, we could have almost two hundred names on the ballot, just for one office. And they’re going to be listed randomly.

Imagine how long the ballot will be. Heck, imagine how long the info pamphlet will be. Nearly 200 candidate statements.

Only a plurality is required. In theory, it would be possible to win the election with less than one percent of the vote. Of course, we’ll probably end up with only about 5-10 people who are seriously campaigning, so it’ll be more like 10% required to win, and some polls are already giving Arnold Schwarzenegger 40%. Come to think of it, the sheer number of names may be enough by itself to get him into office: he’s got greater name recognition than anyone else on the list.

Assuming people can find him in 15 pages of unsorted names.

Green Lantern Madness!

Yesterday I was trying to explain to Katie the furor that erupted back when DC replaced Green Lantern Hal Jordan with Kyle Rayner. I came up with this analogy:

Imagine that a new Star Trek series begins with Captain Picard going insane, killing off the entire crew of the Enterprise, and destroying all of Starfleet except for one ship. That one ship gets handed to someone similar to Wesley Crusher, but who has never appeared before.

No Air

Well, none pleasant, anyway. I just spent the last 10-15 minutes in the computer room (with several co-workers) because it’s the only place in the office where the air conditioning is running. As far as we know it shut off during the (hot) weekend, and of course none of the windows open. (You won’t want to open the windows with Breathe-o-Smart!)

New Comics

Fallen Angel (Peter David) - Edgy & mysterious. Hard to categorize. I’m not sure there are any “good guys” in town, including the main character. Things are still vague, but it’s got me curious. I’m definitely on board to see how this shakes down.

Teen Titans (Geoff Johns) - I’ve been burned on the Titans too many times. I tend to give the team more slack than I would others, since the Wolfman/Perez series is what really got me into comics. I hung on through “Titans Hunt” and “The Darkening,” grumbled through the Arsenal-led team, and was ready to drop it by the time it was cancelled in 1996. I skipped the Dan Jurgens series, since it was just new characters with the same name. The 1999 revival had me really excited, but that excetement faded quickly. Each time I was ready to give up, they brought in a new creative team, and each time, it didn’t help.

So then I heard the series was being cancelled and relaunched as the Teen Titans. I thought, “Fine, whatever, so they’ve merged it with Young Justice, who cares. I’ve got my back issues.” Then I read that Geoff Johns, the current Flash writer, was doing it. And I thought, “Dammit, I’m going to have to try this.”

Well, so far so good. The YJ characters clearly have some issues to work out, so I expect it’ll take several issues to get a feel for the book, but I’m willing to stick around so far.

Outsiders (Judd Winick) - The other book to spin out from the old Titans. I wasn’t particularly interested in the lineup or the description, nor did the fact that the author also wrote Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day count as a ringing endorsement, so I did little more than skim the first few pages of issue #1. That turned out to be a mistake. Based on several recommendations, I picked up issue #2. Except for the excessive expository narration (which may only be there for the sake of new readers), it’s like reading a good action film - one that has a sense of humor, but doesn’t descend into the silliness of the later Lethal Weapon installments. Lex Luthor’s dialogue alone is worth the price of issue #2. After I tracked down the since-sold-out #1, I remarked to Katie, “I could buy this just for the banter.”

Supreme Power (J. Michael Straczynski) - I only know a bit about the original Squadron Supreme - namely, that they were an homage to the Justice League who first appeared in Avengers. (Not long afterward, the JLA encountered a very Avengers-like team.) With this new series, the Rising Stars comparisons will be inevitable, but even from the first issue it’s clear JMS is taking a different approach. The Specials all had a common background, both in the source of their powers and in their upbringing. Based on the two we’ve seen so far, the Squadron will at least have different backgrounds, although there are hints that at least some of their powers may be linked. Probably the biggest difference, at least in this first issue, is the focus on the people around the future heroes, rather than on the Specials themselves. Issue #1 in particular focuses heavily on the US government’s efforts to raise the future Hyperion (Superman) as all-American as possible… and the inevitable snags that develop.

Throw in the long-awaited returns of Planetary, Fray, Astro City and Empire, and it’s a good summer for “new” comics.

Counting down to 1602 and Sandman: Endless Nights…

Kitty Update

I found out last night that 1) he is a she, and 2) her name is Tigger. And apparently the family is okay with her visiting our balcony. Yay!

Conan the Governor

OK, most people are focusing on Terminator jokes when it comes to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s candidacy, but I’m reminded of the “Conan the Librarian” sketch from UHF.

“Uh, this budget is a little overdue.”

“Ovah-doo? HYAAARGH!” (Cleaves the hapless legislator in half with his sword.)

Kitty!

The next-door neighbors have a cat. He’s about four months old, judging from his level of clumsiness, and he’s a complete sweetheart. He reminds me of my first cat at that age, in temperament and coloration, but the markings are different. I know all this because he figured out that the balcony rail of his people’s apartment is the same as the balcony rail of this place, and has been paying us occasional visits. I don’t think he expected to find a nice lady who gets cuddle-happy and giggly when he lands in her patio. Bonus for him, even if I refuse to let him inside. Bonus for me, since I can get my weekly recommended purr allowance in the privacy of my own balcony without the hassle of a litter box. This pleases me.

Purr.

OotP and LotR

I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me before, but recently I started to wonder if, given the prophecy stuff and plotlines of Order of the Phoenix, Neville could end up Sam to Harry’s Frodo. “Who are you? His bodyguard?” “His gardener.”

Heeeeere fishy fishy

I am perfectly comfortable with the fact that my job is, basically, a gofer position. What I’m not comfortable with is the way it can be abused, to the benefit of no one.

Let’s say that the attorney on a particular file needs a fish. If he does not have the fish with him in court, cleaned and cooked (both of which are his job) in two days, we will be in violation of the law. This file belongs to a certain person who will remain nameless, who has already given her assistant the job of procuring five other fish so far that day. Let’s say that I am that assistant. I am madly casting about, not even sure if I am using the right bait to get the specific fish she wants. A paper lands in my boat with a sticky note attached: “Pls provide fish to def atty.”

Okay, I think, I’m game. I set the pole down and inspect the paper. And I recognize the file this is about. “I found out where those fish live,” I shout back to her, where she stands on the pier. “They’re right under you. And there’s a pole in the file.” I also faxed a fish to the attorney last month, but I don’t say that.

“Well, if you could go ahead and just get one and give it to me. Thanks.” And she walks off.

I fume. I pull the other line back up. I rebait the hook, catch the fish, and deliver it to her.

“Thanks, if you could go ahead and fax it to the defense attorney.”

I fax the fish. I go back to my other lines. Some of them get bites.

Two days later, she gets a call from the attorney. He has not cleaned nor cooked the fish, because she told him I would do that. She did not tell me I would do that. He is at the trial and the judge is skeptical of his fish. I am now in the position of having to speed-clean and pressure-cook our copy of the fish. She tells the attorney how it comes out. Apparently it is not exactly the right fish, but since no one bothered to check before now, it will have to do. The judge decides. We pay some money.

I receive an email. “Thx for your work on the fish… Next time I ask you for a fish pls get it to the def atty right away… He didn’t get to clean and cook it this time and that looks bad for us… Thx.”

The moral of the story: Give an attorney a fish, and you’ll mess up your fax machine. Teach an examiner to fish, and you’ll turn your head inside out before you succeed.

SCO is a bunch of bastards

Several months ago, Scummy Computer Operations sued IBM claiming that IBM had copied code from UNIX into Linux. They refused to say what code had been copied. Already this sounds fishy. In their initial filing, they insulted the ethics and competence of the entire Open Source community. Eventually they started making wilder and wilder claims. They called into question the entire open source development model. They started threatening Linux users, and made noise about how they were going to start issuing license terms for Linux, without having proven that they actually own anything in Linux. The only specifics anyone’s managed to get out of them involve code IBM wrote itself and contributed to both OSes.

All they had to do was say “This code here is in violation of our copyright.” At which point the Linux kernel developers could look at it, say, “Hmm, that was contributed by so-and-so on such-and-such a date.” (The entire development process is open to the public - SCO could do this themselves.) An investigation could then be made, and the code could be either shown to be not in violation or removed and replaced with something else. Instead, they’ve remained (deliberately?) vague, such that over the course of four months, with the entire source code for Linux available to the entire world, no one has managed to find anything and say, “this must be what they’re complaining about.”

Yesterday Red Hat got fed up and sued SCO, saying the accusations were a load of bull and accusing them of anti-competetive practices.

Now, not only is SCO claiming that Red Hat’s suit proves that SCO is right (they deny it, therefore it must be true!), their licensing terms for Linux would make it more expensive than Windows.

And you know what really makes me sick? SCO’s stock price just went up. These people are deceptive scumbags. They’re making claims that they refuse to back up. They’re setting prices and threatening to go after people for money, but they refuse to prove that they own what they’re selling. Even in the unlikely event that they’re telling the truth and there is UNIX code in Linux, they’ve acted unethically by not giving anyone a chance to correct the issue.

See also: TWikiWeThey: SCO vs. IBM [archive.org] and OSI Position Paper on the SCO-vs.-IBM Complaint

You know you’re too tired when…

…you almost forget use a filter when making coffee.